Self-Reflections & Seeking the Silver Linings

By Hollyann E. Jenkins

I’m a HUGE believer in silver linings.  No matter which not-so-pleasant situation I have ever found myself in, I have always been able to find some good that has arisen from the setback.  Recently, a dear friend of mine jokingly called it the “Holly Philosophy” because I’m pretty obnoxious at times when I happily share the good things that come from rather unfavorable situations.  Of course, this is NOT unique to me.  It is simply a humble way to acknowledge that bad things happen, yet lessons are learned, and growth opportunities flourish in the midst of struggles.  All the same, this enduring comment prompted serious self-reflection on my dedication to seeking silver linings.

"Self-reflection:" Sometimes getting knocked down is a great reminder of just how wonderful it is to get back up on your own two feet! 

The truth is that we have two options when bad things arise. 

First, we can either choose to let the bad consume us until it’s all we see.  Fellow 80's kids may remember the gorgeous grey pony, Artax, in the 1984 movie classic, The NeverEnding Story, who was overcome by the Swamps of Sadness despite Atreyu, his rider and the movie’s main character’s pleas to fight against the sadness.

For those who are not familiar with this scene, which traumatized countless children of my generation, the horse was overwhelmed by the surrounding sadness and quickly drowned in the swamp.  While this traumatic cinematic example is a bit extreme, it is the perfect example of how continuing to dwell in the negative can completely consume you.  Research suggests that negative events carry more psychological weight than positive ones (Baumeister et al., 2001).  It turns out that humans are naturally attuned to look for the bad and/or focus on the negative.  It is hypothesized that this “negative bias” is an evolutionary survival mechanism that makes us more aware of threats to our well-being (Norris, 2021).  However, it doesn’t mean that you can’t train your brain to look for the good. 

There is a second option: seek the good! It may not always present itself straightaway, but if you keep looking for it, you will find it!  Now, since our brains are instinctively wired to see the bad, this will take a little bit of work.  However, with practice, you can make this your default setting!

Awareness of all the good is key!

To start, keep a journal.  Each time something not-so-happy pops up, make a short note.  One sentence will do since we don’t really want to dwell on it.  Then, for the next few days or weeks, pay attention to anything that may have come from it that was positive.  No matter how small, write it down as a silver lining.  If you can’t find it straight away, no worries.  Sometimes it takes a year or more, but ultimately, it will come full circle.

Here is a recent example...

While I am a health and wellness coach and live a health-based lifestyle, I have had a recurring health issue for the past two decades.  My body is an excellent fighter, but unfortunately, it likes to fight itself.  It’s an autoimmune issue, and like millions of others who deal with this, it can be controlled with immunosuppressant medication. 

While reducing your immune system to prevent your body from attacking itself definitely helps, it also makes you super susceptible to all the other germs and viruses out in the world.  I’m blessed to have a job that I absolutely love as a wellness integration coordinator in a public school district.  On any given day, I may be working with PreK or 12th-grade students, plus everyone in between.   It’s truly a “fill my cup” kind of job full of hugs, smiles, and excitement; plus, unsurprisingly, there are an assortment of germs.

The immunosuppressant medication helped to ensure my existing autoimmune issues didn’t worsen, but I was continually sick! If there was a nasty bug out there, I got it.  It turns out that working in a public school setting and taking meds to reduce your immune system is a terrible idea.  At the time, I felt that I had to pick between the job that I absolutely 1000% love and my medication.  I chose my job.  Now, looking back, it wasn’t a job vs. meds debate; it was my job vs. my health.

Fast forward, through a year without medication, I found myself in the hospital for 13 long, terrible days.  For someone who loves to be physically active, being stuck in a hospital bed for nearly two weeks was torturous. I went to the ER for a kidney stone, but once at the hospital, the doctors discovered that my immune system had been hard at work fighting new areas in my body, particularly my digestive system.  Truly, the kidney stone was a blessing, because I was completely asymptomatic of the larger issue, which was on the cusp of becoming a huge, potentially irreversible problem.  This discovery was a massive silver lining for sure!

My extended hospital stay was largely due to an extensive battery of tests to check and recheck various parts of my body.  I was also consulted by almost every specialty team, with the exception of neuro.  Once there was a clear understanding of the newer issues, it was several days of IV steroids before I could finally be released.

Day 10 at the hospital

Thirteen days in the hospital were a setback.  Learning that I now have to follow a strict diet regimen vigilantly is hard for someone who loves to indulge occasionally.  Seriously, I am an 80/20 balanced eater.  Eighty percent of the time, I eat fairly clean.  However, the other 20% has always been fair game.  Plus, the nearly two weeks in the hospital, combined with several days of recovery at home, left me incredibly weak.  As someone who is very active and regularly lifts weights, this is extremely dispiriting.  It would be so easy to have a pity party and get lost in feeling like the world dealt me a bad hand. 

But that’s not my style.  

Here are all the silver linings that have come from this experience.

• The diet thing- Since really dialing in and being aware of my food intake, I feel AMAZING!  My energy level is off the charts, and my body feels great overall!  Sure, I will miss the rare treat of country-fried steak and bread, but it’s an easy trade-off for feeling renewed.  Plus, while I am very versed in generalized nutrition, this has encouraged me to dive even deeper into the connection between food and wellness.

• The exercise thing- This is an opportunity for me to rebuild and refine my workouts.  I realize now that I was doing the same old thing to maintain my strength gains, but my body wasn’t benefiting from variety.  The muscle is coming back, but this time to rebuild has encouraged me to add even more tools to my toolbox. 

• The hospital thing- While it was a pretty miserable experience, I learned about the turmoil going on in my body and am now prepared to combat that.  Plus, having been there for 13 days, I had four different roommates throughout my stay.  I would have never met them otherwise, and one of them is going to remain a lifelong friend! 

• Other silver linings- 

  • When I was in the hospital, I missed the small things like making my own coffee, my daily barn chores, being able to take a shower without asking for permission, sleeping through the night without a blood pressure cuff waking me up on the regular, etc.  Basically, I missed all the daily luxuries of living an independent life.  So, once I was set free, I felt extremely blessed for all the simple things I had been taking for granted. 

  • In my absence from work, I was truly overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and support from my co-workers: floral arrangements, countless get-well messages, and hugs when I returned.  The same also applied to my friends and family.  It’s easy to take your social community for granted in the day-to-day, but this experience was a great reminder of just how blessed I am to have so many amazing people in my life!

    
    

Silver lining- I definitely felt the love!

Now it’s YOUR turn to change your perspective.  Admit that bad stuff happens, but mixed in with the negative, you will be amazed at how much good can come from it, too.  Find the positive and celebrate it! Practice this often, and eventually you will rewire your thought process and be aware of all the wonderful things around you! 

SUMMARY:

• While we are wired to see the negative, retrain your brain to look for all of the good around you.

• Keep a silver linings journal.  For every bad thing that pops up, write down something positive that resulted from it.  Be diligent.  At first, this may be challenging, but don’t quit.  The more you seek the good, the easier it will be to recognize it.

• You, too, will be more mindful of all the silver linings out there! Enjoy a happier, gratitude-filled way of life.

Sources

Baumeister, Roy F., Ellen Bratslavsky, Catrin Finkenauer, and Kathleen D. Vohs. “Bad Is Stronger Than Good.” Review of General Psychology 5, no. 4 (2001): 323–370. https://doi.org/10.1037/1089-2680.5.4.323

Norris, Catherine J. “The Negativity Bias, Revisited: Evidence from Neuroscience Measures and an Individual Differences Approach.” Social Neuroscience 16, no. 1 (2021): 68–82.

"Self-reflection:" My not-so-happy experience, now shared as a story, may (hopefully) inspire someone else to seek the silver linings in life!! :) Photo taken as I sat down to write this blog.

Wishing each of you the very best as you seek all the good that is around us every day!

-Holly